Personal Development
The first phase is Personal Development one has to have an entrepreneur spirit to “think outside the Box” or as some of us entrepreneurs would say and feel that we are doing “take the road less traveled”. It takes a determined and driven person to “stick and stay” when all the forces around you are saying, “you do not have what it takes to achieve your dream”. When those thoughts come to mind or someone speaks that negative energy towards me, I like to look at all the successful people who came before me and purpose in my mind, “if they can do it, I can too”. I realize they are no different and no better than I am. However, in order to have that type of drive and determination, it all starts in your mind. It has to be “changed” or “reprogrammed” from all that garbage or “stink thinking” we have internalized from our various environments, and or life experiences.
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How is Your Self-Confidence or Self-Esteem?
When you enter a room do you speak to the people you come in contact with? Better yet are you the first to extend your hand out for a firm hand shake when you speak to a stranger? These are signs of a self-confident person. Self- confidence is exemplified through your body language and speech and it is a necessary ingredient for success. Some people appear to be born with self-confidence; however, if you ask them they will tell you it is something they had to work hard to achieve. Most of us have to work on ourselves so we can increase our confidence and project a charismatic confident image.
Do you exude lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem? Are you always beating yourself up for something you said in a prior conversation with someone or what you should have said? Or perhaps you are the type always putting yourself down always finding something wrong with yourself and the world. If someone gives you a positive complement, say on the cloths you are wearing you just have to counteract that with something less complimentary like, “this old thing”. If this sounds like you than you may have a case of low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence.
Self-confidence is generally defined as having assurance, belief, and or confidence in oneself. This confidence could be belief in oneself to succeed in whatever situation life has in store for you. Muhamad Ali said that lack of self-confidence is, “It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself”. We have to have self assurance in our ability to succeed in spite of the situation or circumstance we may find ourselves in.
Lack of self-confidence is a psychological issue which could stem from a number of other issues, i.e. anger, guilt, unforgiveness, pride, etc. Sometimes we have not forgiven ourselves for an incident that happened in our past and the thought of it is holding us hostage in our present. Therefore, some times when we want to have positive thoughts of ourselves we remember our negative behavior (failures) which results in having bad feelings about ourselves. Subsequently, these bad feelings we feel about ourselves damage our self-esteem or self-confidence. We may begin to compare ourselves to others and feel inferior to others because we may feel we do not have the looks, education, money, or raised on the wrong side of the tracks. These are all indicators of low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence. Let’s be clear all of this negativity was derided from a THOUGHT. You have to make a choice: what thoughts will you entertain in your mind.
If we lack knowledge, then we have to educate ourselves. If we do not know how to do something then that is when we have to learn how to do it. Do the research, if you have a computer and access to the internet then, you have a world wide library right at your fingertips. We can no longer sit idly by and allow life’s uncontrollable events (economy, job lose, and governmental policies) dictate our livelihood. If, you do not have confidence in your ability now is a good time to develop it. We are going to have to stop allowing our fears (and other people) control our decisions. We are going to have to
build our self-confidence and raise our low self-esteem by eliminating all negativity around us; whether it is negative people or negative thoughts that bombard our mind.
I would like to leave you with the timely wisdom of Donald Trump, the advice he gave about self-confidence. He said, “Even if you haven’t encountered great success yet, there is no reason you can’t bluff a little and act like you have. Confidence is a magnet in the best sense of the word. It will draw people to you and make your daily life…and theirs…a lot more pleasant”. I wholeheartedly agree.
Self-Confidence Builders - Preparation Your Key to Success
If you want to succeed prepare well, the different between being successful and failing is preparation. Preparation increases self-confidence. “The key to winning is self-confidence and the key to self-confidence is preparation” said tennis champion Arthur Ashe.
Prepare before you speak, if you do not have time to prepare, then think before you speak. Preparation is the key. No one knows everything about every topic. Therefore, you have to do the research so you will be able to speak intelligently about your topic. If you know what you are talking about based on research or life experiences you can speak with confidence.
Always watch your voice tone, maintain constant eye contact, and be aware of your body language. Listen to your voice tone. Ensure it is not too high or too low because of nervousness. You want to avoid a high pitch voice which can be extremely annoying for your listeners. Furthermore, ensure you can be heard; do not mumble or speak too low. Practice your delivery in front of a mirror and ask family or friends to listen and give their honest opinion.
Ensure you maintain constant eye contact with your listener(s); moving your head and your eyes from one side of the room to the other, if you are speaking to a large crowd. Note: an old trick from my public speaking class is to look at the top of their heads that way it appears you are looking directly in their eyes. You should not be as nervous because you are not looking at your audience facial expression.
Finally, your body language, does it appear you are on the defense with your arms folded, and rigid posture. Loosen up, you want to avoid that type of body language, it is a defensive position not extremely inviting to an open line of communication. Use your body as a sign of being open for discussion. Although, you have your points to get across do it in a manner that makes you appear confident. Relax, unfold your arms, do not place hand on hips, or point your finger. Just keep your arms at your side, implement an active listening technique, and then calmly speak with a smile.
Prepare at least three positions 1) Best case – if the other individual(s) are in agreement with you; 2) Worst case- if there is total disagreement and; 3) the most probable case - this is the case that will most likely occur. It is a mixture of best and worst cases.
Prepare to present all three scenarios, listed above. Practice all three of them and be able to deliver them calmly, intelligently with a conversational voice tone, maintaining eye contact, and use open body language. Some forms of open body language are – arms at side, relaxed, and smiling when appropriate. You should only have to use one of the three scenarios based on the response you receive from your listener(s).
Practice, practice, and more practice that is a critical part of the preparation process which leads to a successful pathway to achieving self-confidence. “Men give me credit for genius, but all the genius I have lies in this: when I have a subject to hand, I study it profoundly” said Alexander Hamilton a founding father of the United States. Therefore, if it is your desire to be a confident speaker, then you have to prepare and you will speak with confidence because you are prepared.
